Suresh Ammavan, an ardent follower of Amma had told me so many stories ,I mean facts that happened in his life due to mata amritandamayi.He says she has the cure for all his mishaps (he had a devastating bus accident few years earlier), his new job, his happy family life etc.Following his steps I went to meet amma on a sunny day in May 2010 along with my cousin. Hell lot of people were assembled there due to her tight schedule of just 2 days at Kochi ,we got token for darshan at around 2 am .
Reaching the grounds on the previous day at 9 am ,spending all the day and right through the night ,I was exhausted but excited to meet her.Watching all the calm and peacefull atmosphere I felt somethings are fine here at someplaces in the world.So much people together and not a wee bit of commotion was a good sight to the eyes and music to the ears.
Sitting in the gallery watching amma and also singing with her, we spend most of the day.Ammavan was telling some experience when he had visited Amma with his sisters.My aunt was 70% deaf and during her embrace of amma ,she was able to clearly hear what amma was saying.My mother was kneeling just behind kunjamma but she couldnt hear a word what was said.After alighting from the stage , she asked my mother 'did you hear what amma told me'.my mother blinked and told 'did she tell you something'.Kunjamma just giggled and replied 'yes' with a twinkle in her eyes.This was astonishing since we had to scream so much to make ourselves audible to her.
Another incident was my uncle in his another previous visit had stared at amma thinking of the cost of saree she wore.As if reading his mind she gave a stare at him from nearly a long distance and at once he came back to his senses.
Standing in the queue for her embrace ,I watched the gracefull Bharathnatyam by a young African girl dedicated wholly to Amma.Nearing Amma, the volunteers wiped my face so that my sweat does'nt dirty mata. I knelt down for her embrace and she just hugged me saying "ponnumole,ponnumole". I was suprised as after which I felt so many tensions relieved with that hug .Giggling with my cousin we climbed down the stairs and headed home.
But yesterday, when I went through
Gail Tredwells Book Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness,I am not able to come in terms with what was written in it.Was my experience of happiness simply a day dreamers misconception.Was amma so cruel and betraying . With a sense of full confusion ,I stopped reading the book half way through and closed my eyes praying what Gail wrote should never be true.
